


Daddy Issues

by TerrifiedSmol



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Awkward John, Awkward Sexual Situations, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Insomnia, Intrusive Thoughts, Isolation, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Slow Burn, cocky lafayette, problematic behaviour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-11 21:48:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7071784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerrifiedSmol/pseuds/TerrifiedSmol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah I'm not good at summaries. read the first chapter and if you don't like it then don't read more? sound like a plan?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey thanks for reading! I appreciate it! If violence/non-con bothers you, I ask that you don't read this, however. I'll understand, I promise

    John hears footsteps as he walks around the corner, terrified there might be someone following him. He knows that's irrational because this is a busy part of town, and it's not even quite dark out yet. Yet, this fear is surreal and it makes him ache just to think about it. He forces himself to walk as fast as he can, trying to get out of there. The footsteps behind him grow louder as their pace quickens. John is afraid of what this person could do to him if they were to catch him, if only in his head. He starts to run, trying desperately to find anywhere to hide.  Quickly, he turns down an alleyway and hides behind a dumpster, hoping that whoever is chasing him won’t see him. The person following him stops and calls out, “I know you're here Johnny, come out, come out wherever you are.” John blood runs cold. That voice, that name. It could only be one person. His father. He wills himself to become invisible, to completely disappear. He hears the footsteps getting farther away and then stop, then something slides across the gravel. His father turns around and walks toward him. John closes his eyes and wishes as hard as he can that his father won't find him. Again, the footsteps stop and John holds his breath. Unsure of what to do next, John jumps up and runs in the opposite direction, away from his father.

 

     John hears the man, scratch that, ~~the monster~~ , calling after him, “You can run but you can't hide.”

    He's right. He's totally, absolutely right. He runs anyway, all the way home. He locks himself in a closet and pulls out his flip phone, for lack of anything better, and he dials the first number he sees. Alex. He raises the phone to his ear, silently wishing his best friend will pick up. He waits, if a little impatiently, as the long notes ring out. No answer. He curses and waits for the voicemail prompt to end, then records his message.

     “Alex, please listen to this as soon as you can but don’t call me back. My dad is back. He chased me through town. I’m hiding in mom’s closet and I’m afraid. No, I’m terrified. Please help me. Please..” He had started crying sometime during the process. He turned his screen towards the room, taking in all of the objects in front of him. He hasn’t come in here since his mom died, years ago. The tears continue flowing as he looks through her clothes, shoes, boxes. He stops when he finds a black sweater. She used to wear it when the house got cold, when the heater couldn’t keep up. He takes it off of the hanger it rests on and pulls it around his body. It still smelled like her. For a moment, he feels her arms around him. He hears her voice, telling him it's okay. The front door slams and he can hear his father opening and closing doors downstairs,

     “I know you’re here, Johnny. There’s nowhere else for you to run. I can’t wait to get my hands on you.” John holds his breath again, trying to make as little noise as physically possible. Downstairs the doors stop opening and closing. Paralyzing. That’s what this feeling was. Paralyzing. John breathed out, unable to hold his breath anymore. The footsteps start again, ascending the stairs. Out of instinct or fear, John pushed his way to the back of the closet, attempting to hide himself. Outside the footsteps seem to fade, presumably down the other direction of the hallway. Doors fly open again, rummaging sounds echo through the house. John is more than afraid. More than terrified, even. He is petrified. He can’t get out of this, there is nowhere for him to go, no way for him to escape. He silently curses himself for being so stupid. _How stupid are you? You led him right to you. God, you really are an idiot. Did you think he_ _wouldn’t know you were here?_ A sound pulls him out of it. Footsteps. They’re getting closer. John starts to hold his breath again, hoping that he is hidden enough. Suddenly, the noises all cease.

     “You really do think I’m an idiot, don’t you, Johnny?” he’s right outside the door. The man laughs, John feels sick. The door swings open and john continues to hold his breath, squeezing his eyes shut. He hears another laugh, but doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t breathe. The laughing becomes louder, maniac-like. Only when he feels himself being picked up, roughly might he add, does he open his eyes. He doesn’t fight back for fear of getting more hurt than is already in store.

     “Did you think you could hide forever? Think I wouldn’t find you?” John feels another tear run down his cheek _. I knew you would find me,_ runs through his head, but he refuses to answer. The man slaps him across the face. “When I ask you a question, I expect an answer!” John still says nothing, tears streaming down his reddening cheek. He slaps him again, harder this time. “I said. Answer. ME.” the man throws him down on the bed with a thud. John knew what was going to happen, _There’s really no point in trying to fight it_ , he thought. He felt the sweater being ripped off of him, _no! Don’t rip it! Please!_  He grabbed his father’s arm, fighting back for the first time, in well, ever.

     “I can take it off myself,” he said, quietly. He took his arms away, watching his son undress himself for him. He smiled as he took his clothes off, a sick, twisted smile. _You’re a disgusting old man. How can you do this, and it bring you pleasure?_ John thought, as he disrobed, attempting to save any dignity he still had. When he was done undressing he laid on the bed, motionless, uncomfortable, as his father’s eyes burned holes in his skin. He felt disgusting. He felt ashamed. He felt naked. Not just physically, but emotionally. Like the whole world could see his shame, his fear, his flaws. He had just willingly undressed himself for his own father. _What kind of person does something like that?_ He’s pulled from his thought by his father, now sitting next to him on the bed.

      “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” he said with an evil grin. “Why couldn’t you do that before? It would’ve saved you a lot of pain.” _Physically, but not emotionally,_  he thinks. He just nods, acknowledging that his father spoke to him, not really agreeing. John closes his eyes as he sees the man move to touch him, not able to bare witness to his own assault. “Hey. Open your eyes.” his father commanded, “I want to see those beautiful irises.” His eyes opened, slowly, but opened nonetheless. “Good boy.” John attempted to look anywhere but at this monster that was touching him. Touching him. No, assaulting him. Raping him. He felt a hand in his hair, pulling his head up. “Look at me. I want to see your eyes on me at all times,” he complied, against his own wishes. His predator was eyeing him like a vulture, ready to attack. The man pulled his legs up, resting the boy’s ankles on his shoulders. Without warning of any kind, he pushed himself into John. Tears began to streak his face again as he screamed in pain. “Come on now, don’t cry, baby boy. It’ll be over before you know it.” _for you_ , runs through John’s head. The pain grows dimmer and he stops screaming, but the tears don’t slow. The man slaps him again, even harder than before. “I said, stop crying!” The man grabs John by the hips and yanks him until he is laying on his stomach with his butt in the air. He feels bruises already forming and doesn’t fight when the man spanks him with enough force to leave a red hand mark. When he pushes himself back into John, he merely whimpers and wishes it would be over. _What did I do to deserve this? Why do you have it out for me, God?_ The man suddenly stops moving and pulls john back up by his curly hair. “This isn’t God’s work, son,” he says in low growl. _I said that out loud. I’m such an idiot!_  When the man releases his hair he lets his head fall back against the tear-stained bed. His body goes limp as he gives up. _Please, Alex. Please check your messages. I need you._ Suddenly, he thinks he hears something. Someone. _Alex! You made it! You came for me…_ he continues to cry, now realizing that Alex was going to see him like this. He waited and cried as Alex made his way to his mother’s room, preparing himself for his reaction. It seemed like an eternity passed while he waited, attempting to block out what was being done to him. _Please hurry up._ Finally, Alex burst into the room, violently shoving John’s father out of the way.

      “John, I’m sorry I took so long. Run,” Alex was crying too, but in an angry way. John didn’t wait to say anything, he grabbed his clothes and ran down the stairs. He tugged his shirt over his head and stopped to put his pants on, buttoning them as he ran. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was running, just away from that house. When he was sure he couldn’t possibly run anymore, for fear of passing out, he stopped and sat on the curb, leaning against a concrete railing. His chest felt tight from the cold air and his being out of breath. He pulled his mother’s sweater back on and waited. He sat there for what felt like hours, crying and shaking. It was nearly 3 in the morning by the time Alex found him, curled up on the ground and freezing. When he tried to pick the boy up, he lashed out and yelled for him to stay away. He backed away and sat on the ground with him. He talked to him until he stopped shaking. “Hey, hey, calm down. It’s okay. He isn’t here.” He put his hand on the boy’s cold foot. He wasn’t wearing any shoes. Eventually, John let Alex pick him up, and he carried him back to his apartment. After setting John down on the couch, Alex grabbed a thick blanket and the softest pillow he could find and handed them to John. He took them and laid on the couch, staring at the tv without really watching it.

_I never said no. I never fought him. I made it easier for him by undressing myself. I let him do it._ Tears start to fall down his face again, and he swats at his eyes to dry them. Alex takes his phone out and sends a text to Lafayette.

AH: hey, i need your help, i can’t handle this alone.

MdL: what happened man?

AH: i cant tell you, its not my story to tell. Please just come over here.

MdL: I’ll be there in ten.

      He put his phone back in his pocket and sat across from John. “hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now.” Alex moved and picked John up off of the couch to sit and hold him. He ran his hand through John’s hair, trying to calm him. John presses his head to Alex’s chest, sobbing.

      “I never said no.” Alex doesn’t know what to say to that. What do you say to something like that?

      “It’s...okay.” Alex’s phone vibrates just there’s a knock on the door. “Come in.” Lafayette opens the door slightly, peeking through, evaluating the situation. Alex beckoned them over and he sat in the chair to the right of Alex.

      “Mon ami, you didn’t tell me this was about le petit cheri.”

      “Was it that important who it was about?” John looked at Lafayette for the first time since he arrived and shook with an airless breath.

      “Non, I suppose not. Now, are you going to keep me in the dark, mon ami?” Lafayette said, accent slightly obscuring their words. Alex looked down at John, subconsciously asking for permission. John nodded slightly, looking between the two. Lafayette raises their hand to stroke John’s back, making him flinch. “I’m sorry, cher. It’s okay now.” _Okay. Like it will ever be okay._ Alex told Lafayette about the night’s events, trying not to upset John anymore than he already was. When he finished, Lafayette was near crying.

      “He was curled up on the ground when I finally found him. He was freezing.”

      “Je suis désolé, John, I’m so sorry,” Lafayette rubbed John’s back, trying to comfort him. “It’s gonna be alright, mon ami.” John willed himself to stop shaking. _You shouldn’t have to be sorry. This is my fault._ He feels his eyes starting to close, exhaustion finally setting in. Trying to relax into Alex, he presses his face into his friend’s chest. Alex doesn’t move, just lets John drift off, hoping that he can figure out what to do before he wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated! I apologize for any mistakes, I don't have a proofreader other than me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hadn’t even noticed the dark ovals that had formed around his hip bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took like a whole week to update! I was going to update sooner but I wasn't happy with it. But, I am now, so I hope you enjoy!

_ Where is Lafayette? Actually, where is Alex? _ John wakes up alone, in Alex’s bed. He pushes himself out of the bed, with a lot of pain, and practically crawls into the bathroom. After closing the door behind him, he pulls himself up to the mirror. His hair is a mess, curls facing every which way. His eyes are red and puffy, and there’s dark circles under them.  _ I’m a fucking wreck.  _  He feels his eyes start to water again, and he sits down on the rug in front of the shower. Tears streak his face as he sits there rocking back and forth. Eventually, he pulls himself up and manages to make his way to the kitchen. When he gets there, he finds Alex sitting on a bar stool at the counter. He has his phone in his hand, and John wonders if he’s talking to Lafayette. He stands in the doorway for a while before Alex notices him.

“I was wondering if you would get out of bed today,” he meant it as a joke, but it still hurt his feelings a little. John frowns and Alex looks up at him, “I’m sorry, that was a stupid joke.”

His throat feels like it is swelling shut, but he manages to choke out, “I know it was a joke.” John looks down at his feet, letting his hair cover his face. 

“Come here,” Alex opens his arms, beckoning John over. He makes his way over to Alex, and presses his body against his friend’s.

“Where did Laf go?” it was barely above a whisper, hardly audible through his friend’s shirt.

“They went to the store. I asked them to go pick up some ice cream and cookies. They’ll be back any minute.”

“Rocky road or cookie dough?”

“Both.” John smiled a little and squeezes Alex’s torso. Alex wraps his arms around John’s shoulders and kisses the top of his head. John hears Alex’s phone vibrate,  _ shit where is my phone. _

“Fuck…”

“What? Did I miss something just now?”

“I lost my phone…” John starts to pat down his pockets, “I think I left it there.” Alex lets go of John and heads for the couch. “Where are you going?” Alex kneels down, out of sight for a moment, and comes back up with a small black rectangle. “Thank God.”

“While I accept that I’m pretty great, I’m not God.”

“Shut up,” John throws Alex’s phone at him, “check your  _ Goddamn _ messages.”

“Gladly,” Alex unlocks his phone and replies to the text he received a few moments ago. “Laf will be here in a minute.” As soon as he said it there was a knock at the door. “Speak of the devil, Come in!” 

“Bonjour, mon petit ami. And how are you today?” John wasn’t sure if they were serious. He looks himself up and down and gestures at his body. “I see, suis désolé.” Lafayette holds the bags in his hand out to the two men, and Alex takes them. Lafayette moves to take John’s hand. “It will be alright, cher. Je promets. Come, let us sit?” John follows Laf to the couch and sits, leaning against their chest. They stroke John’s hair in an attempt to make him feel better.

“Thank you for getting that stuff for me.”

“De rien. It was my pleasure, mon ami.” Alex enters their line of sight with three bowls of ice cream and a plate of cookies. He hands a bowl to each of them and sets the cookies on the coffee table in front of them before sitting in the chair next to the couch.

“Thank you.”

“Merci.” They all start eating and Alex turns on the TV.

“What do you want to watch?” Alex was asking John, but he didn’t seem interested in watching anything, to be quite honest.

“No me importa, I don’t really watch television.”

“Does it have to be en anglais?”

“Why do you always have to watch everything en français?”

“France is my home, mon ami. It reminds me of my home.”

“I don’t go around speaking Saint Kitts. Anglais, s’il vous plait.”

“Impressive, mon ami, how many languages can you speak?” John looks between the two and wonders if they’re always like this.

“How many will it take to impress you?” Laf laughs from their chest, shaking John.

“How many is the truth?”

“Cuatro, bien, John?” the boy looks over at Alex, suddenly aware he wasn’t actually listening.

“¿Qué es?” He was genuinely confused, he just hoped they wouldn’t laugh at him.

“Not the answer I was expecting, but that works.” Both of them giggled and John returned his gaze to his bowl. As much as he loved ice cream, he didn’t want to eat. He sets his bowl on the coffee table and hides his face in Laf’s shirt.

“Hey.. what’s wrong, mon ami?” Laf pushes his hands through John’s hair, pulling the curls away from his face. “I’ve never seen you say no to ice cream, parle moi?” Alex looks over at John, concern evident on his face.

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up..”

“Oh, honey,” Alex stands to pick John up and carry him to the bathroom. “Come on, do you want to take a bath?” John nods slowly, suddenly aware of how gross he felt, moving Laf’s shirt up and down. Alex scoops his arm under the boy’s body and picks him up. Once they get to the bathroom he sets John down on the counter and turns the water on. “How hot do you want it?” Normally, John would have laughed at a comment like that, but he just looked at the water and sighed.

“How hot do you think it needs to be to wash him off of me?” Alex looks at him with such sadness in his eyes. 

“Mon petit ami, I am afraid it is not that easy,” Alex and John glance over at the doorway, wondering when Lafayette appeared there. They glide to the tub and play with the knobs until they are satisfied. “Do you want some help, or would you rather be alone?” John looks down and fiddles with the sleeve of his sweater.  _ Can I handle someone else touching me?  _

“Will you stay?” it’s barely above a whisper, but when he looks up they are both nodding. He pulls the sweater over his head, exposing his midsection. Alex and Lafayette gasp in unison as they see the bruises on his hips. “W-what?” both of them point at his midsection, and John looks down. He hadn’t even noticed the dark ovals that had formed around his hip bones. “That’s not the part of me that hurts..” he knew he was mumbling but he couldn’t bring his voice to be any louder. Laf turned his head as John took off the rest of his clothes, in courtesy, but Alex just kept staring.

“Alexander! This is not the time, ami,” Lafayette shoots at Alex, and he, too, turns his head while John begins to blush. After getting his clothes off, John slowly makes his way to the tub and clambers into the water. The heat slightly shocks him, but he adjusts quickly and relaxes. The other two turn back to face him.

“Do you need anything?” John shakes his head.

“You can sit...if you want to,” he is still mumbling. No one seems to mind, though. Looking up at the ceiling, John pushes his hair under the water. Alex and Lafayette sit on the ground in front of the tub, in an effort to give John a little bit of privacy. 

“Are you in pain, cheri?” John gives a miniscule nod before realizing they can’t see him. He pushes himself up to lay against the wall of the tub. 

“I don’t know how someone wouldn’t be..”

“That’s a good point,” Alex had been waiting for a way to re-enter the conversation.

“I’m sorry if this awkward...you can leave if you want to…” but neither of them got up, they just continued to sit there, waiting to be needed.

“We aren’t going anywhere, mon petit. Je promets.”

“We’ll stay right here until you ask us to leave.”

“Merci, gracias,”  _ what did I do to deserve friends like you? _

“Of course, ami. This is our job as your friends. You would do the same, non?”

 

“Sí, I would.”

“Then why expect us not to?” Alex wasn’t sure what to do, he felt kind of left out. He had never dealt with anything like this before.

“Uh… will you hand me that soap?” honestly, John wasn’t sure he could stand up. The bruises he had endured were finally being noticed, and he was in envy of his friends. Lafayette stood and handed the bottle down to him. Alex stayed sitting, trying not to make John uncomfortable again. He looks down at the floor, entertaining himself with playing with the rug while John washes his body.

“Alex? You alright?” Alex’s head shoots up, it was John, which surprised him. He nods slowly. “Are you sure?”

Alex rubs his face. “Yeah… I’m fine. I… I’m just tired.”  _ Did you sleep last night?  _ John can’t remember. He fell asleep before him and woke up after. A frown spread across his face.

“You stayed up all night…” John looks down at the bruises through the water, “I’m sorry..”

“No. I’m fine, don’t be sorry.” Lafayette pulls a thick, fluffy towel out of a cabinet, just as John starts to shampoo his  hair.

“You didn’t have to stay up for me,” he said while scrubbing his head.

“I was too worried to sleep. I couldn’t have slept if I wanted to. Trust me, I’m fine,” Laf and Alex watch while he struggles to rinse his hair. “Do you want some help?” John sits for a minute before answering, but eventually nods. Alex grabs a cup off the counter and begins to scoop water to pour over his hair. 

“Will you hand me the towel?” he asks when he’s satisfied with his hair being soap free. Laf unfolds the towel and holds it out in front of John while he stands. He feels his cheeks heat up and curses himself for being so shy. 

“No need to be embarrassed, mon petit,”  _ damn it! I knew it was visible. _ He wraps the towel around his body and steps out of the bath. He ducks his head as he walks to the mirror to push his hair into a suitable position, curls reforming. “You act like I have never seen a naked man before. I can assure you that is not the case.” 

“..that’s not it..” John continues to bow his head, too embarrassed to look either of them in the eye. 

“I’ll get you some clothes, pajamas or sweats?” 

“Pajamas are fine..” Alex dries his hands and leaves the bathroom, on a quest for clothes. Laf, instead, gets closer to John, and combs at the back of his hair. This surprises John, but he doesn’t stop them.

“Il montre, ne soyez pas gêné,” John stares at Laf in the mirror with a look of confusion.

“You know I don’t speak French..”

“It shows, do not be embarrassed. Cher, there is no need to be so shy,” Alex walks back in with the clothes in his hand, stopping when he catches sight of the two in front of him. John averts his eyes to the sink.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt… uh. Here,” he hands the clothes to Lafayette and turns to leave.

“Non, mon ami, you didn’t interrupt. Right, John?” the boy nods without looking up. 

“I’m just gonna go make some tea. Just yell if you need me.” he leaves the room, heading for the kitchen. John turns to face the person behind him.

“Um.. c-could you…?” John asks while twirling his finger.

“Of course, le petit,” Lafayette hands him the stack of clothes and turns to face the doorway. John drops his towel and unfolds the shirt in his hands before pulling it over his head.

“You can turn around now,” he says as he pulls the waistband of the pants up to his hips. They turn quickly and wrap their arm around John’s shoulders. He flinches at the sudden movement.

“I am so sorry, I did not mean to scare you,” John looks down at the floor, pushing one foot on top of the other and biting his lip.

“No it’s fine. I know you didn’t mean to scare me.”

“Are you sure?” Laf is looking down at John, hands on his shoulders. John nods and begins walking back to the kitchen to join Alex. “if you say so.”

“I say so,” John wills a smile onto his face and waits in the doorway for Alex to notice him. 

“Ami, you do not have to wait to be noticed before entering a room.” Taking his arm, Lafayette leads John into the kitchen. “Alex, what are you doing?”

“I’m… cleaning? I mean, I don’t know,” he stops rearranging the objects on his counters and releases the bottle of cleaner he has in his hand, throwing the sponge into the sink. “I don’t know what to do,” he sinks to the floor, head falling into his hands. Lafayette sits next to him, motioning for John to sit with them with one hand, while rubbing Alex’s back with the other. He sits and pushes Alexander’s hair behind his ears.

“I don’t either. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” John said softly, trying to comfort him. Lafayette pulled the elastic band off their wrist and offered it to Alex, hair continuously falling back in his face. He takes the band and pulls his hair into a bun behind his head. John notices the tears threatening to fall down his friend’s face.  _ I’m such an idiot. Why did I call him? Why did I get him involved? _ “I’m sorry I forced all of this on you… I can leave if you want me to,” he pushes himself up from the floor, but Alex grabs his wrist.

“No. none of this is your fault. I just… I don’t know how to help you. I want to help you. Please stay here.” John sits back down carefully.

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Thank you everyone who gave me kudos! If you want to come yell at me or you have ideas/suggestions/questions/complaints, you can reach me at hamilton4pres.tumblr.com or you can yell at me in the comments. Thanks again! appreciate it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I'm late!

The three were on the couch, John’s head resting on Alex’s chest and his feet in Lafayette’s lap, covered by a thick blanket. It was nearing midnight as the tv showed a marathon of Disney movies. Occasionally, a song would come up that one of them knew, and they would sing along. The lights had long since been turned off, the tv casting colors on their faces as the animations changed. 

“John?” Alex whispered.

“Hmm?” John sleepily hummed in response.

“I was seeing if you were still awake. Do you want to go to bed?” John pushed his face into Alex’s chest.

“You’re so comfortable, though.” He giggled in response, and pet John’s hair. 

“Thank you, but you can’t lay on me forever.” John frowned.

“Why noooot?” he says as he shoves his face into Alex’s chest.

“There are many reason’s why that is not possible, do you want all of them?” 

“Fiiiiinnnnee. I guess I’ll get up.” Lafayette helped him sit up as he pulled the blanket away from his body. He moves to stand but loses his balance, toppling to the floor. John lands hard, shaking the floor slightly. 

“John! Are you okay?” Alexander asked, kneeling next to him. He whimpers in response before pushing himself up with his hands. He lets out another, much louder, noise as pressure is put on his wrist. “Please be careful! Hold on, stay here.” Alex runs to the kitchen to get ice and throws it in a bag before running back over to John, now sitting on the floor. “Here,” he says as he hands the bag to John. Lafayette takes the bag from his hand and presses it to John’s wrist.

“Ouch..”

“I am sorry, ami. Your wrist does not look good.” Lafayette was right, there were bruises already forming and it was swelling.

“I’ll be fine, it’s not like I’ve never sprained my wrist before.” Alex and Laf shared a look that said “I don’t think that’s just a sprain” but neither of them said anything.

“Do you still want to go to bed, or would you rather stay in here?” John looked at Alex, considering for a moment.

“Can we just go to bed? I don’t want to risk falling off the couch or something.” He laughed a little, meaning it to be a joke. Alex took his other hand and helped him to his feet.

“Of course, we can do anything you want.” As they began walking to the bedroom, Laf spoke up.

“Should I stay or would you rather I go home, le petit?” John turned and stared at them.

“What? Why would you stay? Wouldn’t you be more comfortable at home?” They let out a laugh.

“Because you may need me, ami, of course. I want to be here if you do,” John felt his cheeks start to heat up and he hopes the darkness is enough to hide it.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable just because I’m here. You can go home…” He looked down at the floor, suddenly interested in the patterns in the tile of the kitchen. They laughed again.

“Nonsense, I am no less comfortable here than at home. I will stay if you want me here. Would you be more comfortable knowing I’m out here?” John felt himself nod and turned around quickly, chasing Alex to his bedroom where he was folding back covers. When Alex looked up at John he noticed that he was shaking.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Alex stopped what he was doing and padded over to the shaking boy. “What can I do?” he laid his hand on John’s shoulder, making him flinch. “Shit! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” He sat on the bed, trying to give John his space.  _ Calm down, John. Why are you freaking out? Literally nothing happened. Jesus, there really is something wrong with you, isn’t there?  _  He tries to control his breathing.  _ Uno, dos, tres, aspiro. Uno, dos, tres, espiro.  _  He wraps his arms around his chest, trying to ground himself. Closing his eyes, he tries to speak.

“I-I’m fine...I’ll...be fine.”

“Are you sure? Is there anything I can do?” His eyes flew open, and he stared at the boy in front of him.  _ Why do you care so much? _

“W-will you...l-lay down with m-me?” Alex nodded and stood, walking to the other side of the bed. He sat and patted the spot next to him. John carefully sat next to him, reminding himself to breathe. Pushing himself to lay down, he winced as his wrist brushed the bedding.

“John… I don’t think that’s just a sprain…” He looked up at his friend.

“I’m f-fine..”

“Hey… it’s okay. I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want to. I’m just worried about you.” John nodded in response, pulling the blanket up to his chest with his good hand. Alex followed, laying on his side to face him. “You’re gonna be okay. I promise, I’ll make sure of it.”

“Your should not make promises you cannot keep, ami.” both the boy’s head snapped up to look at the person in the doorway. “You can’t be sure he’ll be okay. You can be sure you’ll stay with him, that’s a more realistic promise to make.”

“Laf, what are you doing? Why are you in here?” Alex snapped, forgetting about John for a moment.

“I just came to see if you guys were okay, I heard you talking. Calm down, petit lion. I am not here to hurt anyone.”

“Sorry. You just scared the shit out of me. For being as large as you are, you’re hella sneaky.” John giggled.

“Hella? I’ve never heard you say such a word.” John continued giggling.

“I’m glad my pain is funny to you.” Alex said dramatically.

“Alright, well if you two are fine, I will be in the living room. Just yell if you need me, amis.” The two nodded, and Laf headed back to the living room. John relaxed into the pillows under his head, urging himself to sleep. Alex watched him as his breathing started to even out, and his eyes stopped fluttering. The next he knew he was slipping into his own dreams.

 

* * *

 

 

_ John could make out a vague figure in front of him, tall and wide. The figure extended a hand toward him, and he realized he was on the ground. He slid away from the person in front of him, but was followed.  _

_ “How dare you! How dare you try to get away from me!” The voice was deep and distorted. The hand got closer until it grabbed him by the arm, tugging him until he stood. “Do I need to teach you your place  _ again _?” The other hand hit him across the face before he even saw the movement.  _

_ “No! Please! Please don’t hurt me!” John yelled at the figure. The hand hit him again. _

_ “Shut up!” The hand on his arm was removed, and he fell back to the ground with a thud. “Get up and follow me.” John stood as quickly as he could, trying not to be hurt anymore.  _ Maybe if I do what he says he won’t hurt me.  _  He follows the figure into a building, most likely abandoned. While he’s looking at the room around him he loses track of the other person.  He walks around, looking for them when a hand comes from behind and covers his mouth. The hand pulls him back against the person’s body. John couldn’t recall ever feeling so small. It seemed as if the figure didn’t end. He tried to scream, only to be pulled tighter. “Don’t. Make. A sound. It will only end worse for you.” John swallowed hard but nodded, agreeing to stay quiet. The hand disappeared for a moment, only to reappear a moment later, pushing under shirt. He suppressed the urge to cry out, letting it happen. The other hand slid down the back of his pants, stopping to squeeze the flush briefly. “You’re so pretty. Do you know how pretty you are?” John wasn’t sure whether or not answer, so he stood as still as he could. “I asked you a question!” John shook his head violently. His head was stopped by a strong hand grabbing his hair and pulling back. “Use your words. Answer me when I speak to you.” _

_ “Yes,” John answered. _

_ “Yes, what?” _

_ “Yes, sir?” Another pull. _

_ “Was that a question?” The voice sounded angry. _

_ “No, sir,” John said, quietly. _

_ “I’m sorry, what was that? Speak up!” _

_ “No, sir!” John shut his eyes as tightly as he could, waiting for something to happen. _

_ “Good boy,” the hand in his hair was lifted, reappearing on his torso, pulling his shirt off.  He lifted his arms without thinking, the shirt coming off. The hand returned to his chest, roaming over the skin, then stopped on his nipple. Meanwhile, the hand in his pants pushed lower, fingers pressing into him; John let out a whimper. “What did I tell you?” _

_ “To be quiet, sir.” _

_ “That’s right. Are you going to be quiet?” _

_ “Yes, sir. I’ll be quiet, sir.”  The fingers began to move again, and John bit back tears. He could feel his legs getting weak and slumped against the person behind him. He felt himself being picked up and bent over a nearby table. His pants were pulled down roughly, and John heard the person mumble to their self. Before he knew it, he felt the fingers again, pushing farther this time. He bit down on his lip to keep himself quiet.  _ It’ll be over soon, just do what he says and you’ll be fine.  _ He’s ripped from his thoughts by the fingers being replaced with something much bigger. “No! Ow! No no no no no, please, no!” he cried. A tug to his hair quiets him. _

_ “What did I say?” The voice was angry. _

_ “To b-be quiet, s-sir.” _

_ “And?” _

_ “I’ll be q-quiet, s-sir.” Another pull. _

_ “You better.” His hair is released harshly, throwing his head forward. The person pushed into him quickly, knocking the air out of John’s lungs. _

 

* * *

__

Alex woke up to John thrashing around next to him. 

"John! Wake up! Are you okay?" He shook John until he woke up.  _Where am I? Who are you?_ He shrunk away from the boy in front of him, falling off the edge of the bed. Alex scattered to his feet, running around to where John laid, curled into himself. Sitting next to him, he sees John flinch. "It's okay. Hey, it's me. It's Alex." Suddenly, Laf was standing in the doorway again.

"What happened? I heard a... how you say? thud?" When their eyes fell on John, they moved to sit next to Alex.

"He had a bad dream. I woke him up, and he got scared and fell." Laf looked over the trembling boy in front of them.

"Calm down, le petit. Breathe. In...Out...In...Out..." John followed the orders and breathed in time with the words. He felt himself calming down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you... I just didn't want you to keep having the dream..." 

"Ami, it is not your fault," Lafayette said to Alex. "Are you alright, le petit?" John nodded but didn't move from his position. "Can I pick you up?" John nodded again, and Laf stood then picked the boy up with ease, laying him back on the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?" John looked over at the clock on the table next to him.  _4:00 am. I can't keep them up anymore._ He shook his head and looked away.

"You should go back to sleep, it's late..." There was another laugh.

"If you really think we are just going to go back to sleep you're sadly mistaken." It was Alex this time. John shot his head back to look at him.

"What do you mean? It's late and you didn't sleep last night. You should go back to bed." Another laugh.

"I'm not sleeping until I know you're alright." Laf nodded in agreement.

"Well, I'm fine. Go to sleep," John sneered.  _Just go, why do you care, anyway?_

"Don't lie, petit. That is not a good trait to have." This time it was John's turn to laugh.

"I'm not lying, go to sleep." Laf shook their head slightly.

"I'll go if you want me to, but I'm not going to sleep."

"Just go! Why is that so hard? Why won't you just leave me alone?!"

"John!" Alex's jaw had dropped at how rude John was being.

"What, Alex? Why can't I just be left alone?"

"If you want to be left alone you can ask in a nicer way. You don't have to be so goddamn rude." Alex stormed out of the room, Laf following only after giving John a pained look.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Thank you everyone who gave me kudos! If you want to come yell at me or you have ideas/suggestions/questions/complaints, you can reach me at hamilton4pres.tumblr.com or you can yell at me in the comments. Thanks again! appreciate it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm late! I rewrote part of it last minute and it took longer than I expected.

When John woke up the next morning, he was alone.  _ Where is Alex?  _ Pulling the blankets off, he swings his legs over the edge of the bed.  _ Maybe he’s in the kitchen? _ He decides to check and climbs out of the bed. On his way out of his friend’s room he hits his wrist against the doorframe.

“Fuck!” He throws his wrist against his chest, cradling it, and bites back tears. In the other room, he hears something fall with a crash, then mumbling. A moment later, Alex appears in the doorway.

“What’s wrong?” John looks up at him then back down at his wrist. It’s swollen, bruises shining bright purple and yellow. “John. I tried last night. I tried to tell you it was more than just sprained. We need to do something about this.” 

“No! I’m fine..” Alex looks John in the eye.

“Laf! Get in here!” A groan comes from the other room, and a moment later, Laf is in the doorway.

“What do you want now?” Alex shoots them a glare.

“Shut up for two seconds. This is important. Look, he insists that he’s fine.” Laf glides over to John, gently grabbing his arm.

“Are you insane? Are you actually out of your mind? I do not even have words to explain how not okay this looks,” they say, looking back at John’s face.

“I..” John pulls his arm out of their hands, “..am fine.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Alex! Do not say things in such a way.”

“Why not? He’s being a fucking asshole. We just want to help you, John! Why won’t you just let us? Goddamn, it’s like talking to Thomas!”  Anger flashes across John’s face before being replaced with hurt.

“Alex! Calm down! Can you not see you are hurting his feelings?” Laf sets their hand on John’s shoulder, and he flinches away slightly. “It does not matter what happened last night or before that, John is hurt. Le petit, what should we do? This needs to be looked at.” John gives a single, miniscule nod. “Ami, is there a place you would prefer to go? Or does it matter?” he shakes his head, looking over to Alex with tears threatening to fall.

“Fine. There’s an urgent care clinic a few blocks away.” He makes his way to his closet and pulls out some pants and a short sleeve shirt. “Here, you aren’t wearing pajamas over there.” John looks at him again, pain obvious in his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. Put your arms up.” He did what he was told, and Alex pulled the shirt he was wearing off. After putting the new shirt on him he looked John in the eye, asking for permission to change his pants. John drops his head but nods, and Alex pulls the pajamas off, letting him step out of them. He holds the jeans open in front of him and John steps into them before they’re pulled up to his hips and buttoned.

“Le petit, do you want your sweater?” he nods and Laf  grabs it from the pile of clothes he had set down the day before. They hand it to him, and he ties it around his waist loosely.

“Thanks..”

“Of course, le petit, what are friends for?”  _ friends. Right. Friends.  _

“We should get going, where are your shoes?” Alex asked, before remembering that he hadn’t been wearing any. “That was a stupid question. Um, here. I think I have some that will fit you, hold on.” He set to finding a pair of shoes in his mess of a closet. After a few minutes of rummaging he comes back with a pair of boots, looking oddly...feminine? John looks at him questioningly. “Shut up they’re comfortable. Just put them on.” He follows the orders, pushing his feet into the boots.

“Shall we take my car or yours, ami?” Alex shrugs. 

“I don’t care which one we take, but we should take something quickly.” Laf nods and pulls out their keys. 

“Let us go, then,” they say while turning toward the kitchen to leave. The two boys follow, and Alex grabs his phone on the way out.

 

* * *

 

The drive to the clinic was mostly silent, no one really knowing what to say. Inside the clinic isn’t much different, aside from Alex asking him questions to answer on his paperwork.

“Laurens!” The three stand to follow the nurse. She leads them to a small examination room and tells them to wait for the doctor. They agree, and they sit, John on the examination bench and Alex and Laf in chairs next him. After a few minutes that seem like hours, a young woman walks in, looking at a clipboard.

“John, right?” she asks, and they all nod. “I’m Dr. Schuyler, what seems to be the problem?” John holds out his wrist, and she takes his arm at the elbow. “This did not just happen, what took you so long to get it looked at?”

“He insisted he was fine.” Alex answered for him. John looked down at his legs, embarrassed.

“I see,” she bent John’s fingers slightly, testing. “Does this hurt?” John tries to suppress a whimper and nods. She stops and turns his hand over. “This?” he nods again. “Well, I’ll have to take an x-ray to be totally sure, but it looks like you broke your wrist. Would you mind telling me how this happened?”

“He fell while standing up from the couch yesterday night, le petit lost his balance.” Laf supplied, and she looked over at them, questioningly.

“And, who are you two?” Alex and Laf share a look before answering, in unison. 

“His best friends.” She looks to John for confirmation, and he nods.

“You don’t speak much, do you?” John’s head shoots up.

“Why does it matter to you?” she throws her hands up in mock surrender.

“I didn’t mean to offend, I’m sorry.” John’s shoulders slump, sighing.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s been a bad week.” She taps lightly on his elbow.

“I see that. Alright, x-rays. If you will follow me, we can see what kind of damage you did.” The three stand to follow, and she puts up one hand to stop them, “it’s safer if you stay here, I promise I’ll take care of your friend.” Alex and Laf reluctantly sit back down as John follows her out of the room.

“How are you just okay with how he treated you?” Alex asks after a few minutes of awkward silence.

“I am not “just okay with how he treated” me. I am just better at pushing my feelings aside when someone needs me, ami. Trust, this is not over. I will bring it up when he no longer needs my help.” Alex opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out so he shuts it again.

“Was it wrong of me to leave last night? Should I have stayed until he fell back asleep?” he says a few moments later, staring at the wall in front of him.

“Who can say? He may have not wanted you to, ami. It is in the past, no sense in worrying about it now.” Laf throws an arm around his shoulders, giving his arm a squeeze. Alex nods, then lets his head fall back against the wall, waiting. They sit there in silence for another ten minutes before the other two come back. When the door opens, Alex’s head shoots up.

“So?” he says, and John shrugs.

“There a spiral fracture on his ulna.” Dr. Schuyler says while pointing out a curving line on the x-ray in front of her.

“What do we do about it?”

“Well, generally, we set it with a cast. But, there are alternatives if you wish to do that, John.” She shoots a look at Alex, effectively hushing him. John takes a moment to think about it.

“I’ll do a cast.”

“Great, I’ll call a nurse. Do you have a color preference? Would you like it to be waterproof?”

“Green. And..” he looks at his friends, considering. “Yes.”  _ I don’t need them helping me every time I shower. _ She pages a nurse to bring her the supplies, and a moment later, the nurse that showed them back here comes with a cart full of medical supplies.

“So tell me, why wait so long to see a doctor? It’s obvious this isn’t new, and it has to hurt like hell.” She had started setting up, opening the box of plaster gauze. John looked at the ground, hiding his face behind a curtain of hair.

“Uh...well...I’m afraid of doctors…” he felt his cheeks heating up, and cursed himself for being bashful. “And it really wasn’t that bad…” she lets out a giggle.

“I would have to disagree, by the looks of it, it feels like your wrist is stuck in the jaws of life.” she pushes her hair back behind her ear, “and I hope you aren’t afraid of me.” she flashes him a bright smile.

“No… that’s not what I meant…” he whispers, but it’s lost in his hair. She pulls blue gloves over her hands, and holds out her hand, waiting for John to give her his wrist again. He stretches out his arm, trying to flatten his hand in the process, and she starts to wrap cotton around it.

“This might be a little bit hot, the water is warm to make it easier.” He nods, and she starts wrapping wet plaster gauze around his wrist and hand. “Why are you two so quiet all of a sudden, before you wouldn’t stop talking?” she asked the other two. 

“I am afraid I had nothing to contribute to the conversation, docteur.” Laf says.

“You didn’t seem to want me to talk, so I didn’t,” Alex added. She laughed again while smearing plaster across John’s arm.

“Don’t let me stop you, you just aren’t my patient.” she laughs again, and John laughs with her. Alex feels his face heat up.  _ She isn’t wrong. You don’t ever shut up, even when it isn’t your conversation to have. _ The top layer of plaster is dark green and John smiles at it.

“Green is my favorite color. What’s yours?” He asks her.

“Blue. Light blue.” She smiles up at him. “What about you two?” she looks over at the others.

“I like green too.” Alex says quietly.

“Ah, good question. Does rainbow count? I like them all.” She laughs again.

“I don’t think that counts, sorry. If you had to choose one color to wear forever, what would you choose?” 

“If you say purple I’m going to smack you,” Alex says, making John and Laf laugh, but confusing Dr. Schuyler.

“I don’t get it..” They keep laughing for a moment.

“Purple is the favorite color of Alexander’s nemesis, he despises it. Do not pay any attention to his pettiness, ami.” Laf thinks for a second, “I did not mean to call you that if you are not comfortable with it. Please, forgive me, docteur.” She laughs again and shakes her head.

“It’s fine, it would be an honor to be called your friend.” Laf smiles at her.

“You speak French? That’s incredible!” Alex rolls his eyes.

“Not really. All of us but John speak French, it is not that big of a deal.” Laf slaps his arm.

“Do not be rude, cochon.” She lets out a loud giggle as she finishes the cast on John’s arm.

“Did he just call you pig?” she asked, still laughing. Alex nodded his head exasperatedly.

“Uh, actually, it’s they…” Laf whispered.

“Oh! I’m sorry! Did they just call you pig?” Laf giggles with her this time and nods quickly.

“They’re a fucking con. Pay no attention to them.” she giggles harder while pulling off her gloves.

“Well, they never did answer my question, so I’ll side with you on that one.” she throws away the empty packages with her gloves and washes her hands.

“Hm...yellow. I like yellow.”

“Liking a color doesn’t make it your favorite.”

“I know, but I think I could wear yellow everyday for the rest of my life, ami.” she turns to them with a smile on her face.

“Fair enough. I never caught your name.”

“Do you want the long version or just what my friend’s call me?” she quirks an eyebrow at them.

“Long version?” they all laugh and Laf sends her a challenging look.

“Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert Du Motier Marquis De Lafayette.” 

“Jesus Christ, what the hell?” She says, and they all laugh harder.

“I am French, ami.”

“What do your friends call you then?”

“Lafayette for short, or Laf or even shorter.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Laf.” She extends a hand, intending a handshake. Laf stands and kisses her on the cheek.

“Like I said, I’m French. We don’t shake hands.”

“That’s true. When we met General Washington they did the same thing. He was mortified, it was hilarious.” Laf shoots Alex a glare, telling him to shut up.

“We do not speak of that. Be quiet Alexandre.” John laughs while Alex pouts.

“Ah, well. Perhaps we should speak of that another time then. John? You are free to go, I will call for a follow up in a week.” John nods and hops off the bench. The three follow her out into the waiting room and say goodbye. 

The ride back to Alex’s apartment is also silent, aside from John scratching at his new cast distractedly. When they get there, they walk in silence to the door. Once they get inside, Laf and Alex’s moods seem to flip completely.

“So, are we going to talk about what the hell happened last night?” Alex practically yells, making John want to hide.

“Alex! You do not have to yell.”

“Why shouldn’t I? He sure didn’t have a problem yelling at us last night!” he looks between John and Laf, anger in his eyes.

“I’m sorry…” John whispers, pulling his sweater to cover his face. He doesn’t want to cry in front of them.

“You fucking should be! There was no reason for you to yell at us! We just wanted to help you!” Laf puts a hand on his shoulder and whispers something in his ear that John can’t hear. He storms out of the room, and John collapses on the floor, covering his face. Laf can hear quiet sobs coming from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Thank you everyone who gave me kudos! If you want to come yell at me or you have ideas/suggestions/questions/complaints, you can reach me at hamilton4pres.tumblr.com or you can yell at me in the comments. Thanks again! I appreciate it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Hello! Thank you for reading. I hope you're ready.

Laf hesitates for a moment, unsure of who to go after. They stand still, thinking, John’s small sobs breaking their heart. Eventually, they decide Alex can fend for himself and sit down in front of John on the floor.

“Hey, talk to me, le petit. Tell me what’s going on.” John’s breathing is erratic, and he’s shaking. Laf gently puts a hand on his shoulder, and pulls the sweater away from his face with the other. Wiping a tear from his cheek with a thumb, the saddest eyes they have ever seen look up at them. “I am so sorry, le petit. Please talk to me.” Laf’s hand is still on his cheek, and John’s shaking slows.  _ Uno, dos, tres, aspiro. Uno, dos, tres, espiro. Calm down, John, there is no reason to be so worked up. Breathe, you idiot.  _ John saw sadness in Laf’s eyes that he had never seen before.  _ You’re making Laf feel bad, is that what you wanted? God, you’re such an idiot. You’re weak, you can’t even breathe right. _ John clutched his mother’s sweater close to his chest and looked down at the floor between them.

“I’m s-sorry! I d-didn’t mean t-to m-make you s-sad!” Laf brushed their thumb over his cheek again.

“John, do not apologize for something that is not your fault. It pains me to see you upset. Let us talk about this, non?” Laf held out a hand for John to take after standing up. They moved to the couch and sat, facing each other. “Le petit, I am not mad at you for last night, I promise you. I was just a little hurt that you thought I would not care, that do not care about you. I care for you, much more than I would like to admit, to be completely honest with you.” Laf took John’s hands in theirs and looked down into their lap.  _ You care about me? For me?  _  John felt his face heating up and his throat got tight again. He heard a different voice in his head now.  _ It isn’t true, they are lying to you so you’ll stop crying. Why would anyone care about you? You’re a mess! Look at yourself.  _ John tried to shake the voice out of his head.  _ No, Laf is not like that. Laf doesn’t pretend.  _ Suddenly, John became aware of the brown eyes that were staring at him.  _ How long have they been looking at me? How long have I been not paying attention? Great, you already fucked up again.  _ He felt his face heating up more, and he hoped his dark skin hid the blush he knew was there.

“Le petit? Are you alright? Did I say something to make you uncomfortable? You know, you can tell me to shut up whenever you feel it necessary.” John shook his head, eyes wide.

“I...No…I just...I started thinking...I’m sorry,” Laf put a hand under his chin, nudging his head up to look at them.

“What were you thinking about, ami?”  _ Lie. Hurry up and lie. _

“Um...I was thinking about...my stuff. I don’t know what I’m going to do....”  _ That’s the best you could come up with? _ John bit his lip and pulled his legs up to his chest. Laf’s eyes were sad again, and John’s heart ached at the sight. John pushed his legs back down and put his hands back in Laf’s. Without giving his mind time to talk him out of it, he leaned up kissed Laf quickly. It was soft, nothing more than a peck, but when he pulled away, he couldn’t bring his eyes back to their face. 

“Petit? Will you look at me?” Laf’s voice cracked, and John forced his eyes up.

“I didn’t...I’m sorry…” Laf shook their head and squeezed his hand.

“You must stop apologizing for everything, cher. Come here.” Laf patted their chest and leaned against the couch while John crawled over to lay against them. Once he was comfortable, he focused on the steady heartbeat against his ear. Laf wrapped an arm around him and played with his hair with the other hand, effectively clearing his thoughts. It wasn’t long before he was asleep, peacefully. Laf stayed awake, watching the boy in his arms for any sign of distress. Their heart swelled at the thought of being able to soothe him to sleep. Eventually, Laf falls asleep too, slipping into blissful rest.

 

* * *

Some hours later, the two are awoken by a crash. John’s eyes fly open as he scrambles off of Lafayette. Laf just sits up, wondering what happened. Looking around, nothing seemed out of place,

“Petit, do you see anything that could have made that sound?” Laf’s face showed confusion and John giggled. He shook his head and stood, looking too.

“Maybe it was Alex?” John’s voice shook with hesitation, unsure of the consequences of checking.

“Stay here, I will check.” Laf stood and walked to Alex’s door, knocking three times. When there was no answer, they decided to go in. as soon as the door was open Laf knew exactly what had happened. There laid Alex, under his bookshelf and a mountain of books. Laf choked back a laugh, and called John in. When John appeared in the doorway he gasped.

“Alex, are you kidding me?” This isn’t the first time this has happened. Alexander was much shorter than his bookshelf and often climbed it to reach the top shelf.

“Shut up and help me. I can’t breathe.” Laf did let out a giggle at that before picking the bookshelf up and pushing it back against the wall.

“You are lucky I was here, Alexandre. John could not lift this off of you.” John let out a small huff at the implication that he was weak and crossed his arms.

“I could too. I’m not weak,” He picked up a stack of books to show it but dropped them promptly when his cast refused to let his hand bend to support them.

“I did not mean to insult you, cher. You cannot lift anything with a broken wrist. Be careful, just move the books off of him so he can stand.” John huffed again.

“I will if you promise to stop yelling at me.” John was looking at the floor, fidgeting with the cast. Alex stared hard at him for a moment.

“For the love of god, fine. Please just get this off of me, I really can’t breathe.” John kneels and starts stacking books. It takes them ten minutes to get Alex unburied, and when they finally do, he jumps up and hugs John as tight as he can. “I’m sorry.” John hugs him back, resting his chin on Alex’s shoulder. When they pull away from each other, John is painfully aware of how hungry he is, and as fate would have it, his stomach growls quite loudly.

“Merde, you have eaten nothing but a little ice cream since you got here. I propose we go for food. Where would you like to go?” John thinks for a moment, considering all of the possible restaurants in the area. 

“What was that place you always go to? The one you said undeservedly never has a lot of people in it?” John questioned Laf.

“You mean the cafe?” John nods, “Square Peg. We can go there if you want, I am sure you will love it!” They all agree and move to get what they need, keys, wallets, shoes, jackets, before heading out the door. John sits in the front seat of Laf’s car and Alex gets in the back. On the way there, John puts his hand on the console, and Laf take it. Alex notices and raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything. When they arrive, the sun is starting to set and the parking lot is mostly empty. John and Laf don’t hold hands on the way in, but they sneak looks at each other. They are seated right away, and their drink orders are taken.

“What’s your favorite things here?” Alex asks, unsure about ordering something he won’t like.

“I think everything here is amazing, but I see you are unsure. I know some of the food is sort of, how do you say? Ah, out there?” Alex nods, “All of the sandwiches are good, and none are terribly out there. Oh! The chicken and mandarin salad is really good too, ami.” Alex looks back the menu, considering.

“Well, I think I’m gonna get the potato soup.” Laf gives John a look, and John raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“Potato soup? Really, ami? How unextraordinary.” John throws his menu down dramatically.

“What do you want from me? I want soup! And you could have just said ordinary, you don’t need to add all the extra letters.” John says, very melodramatically. They all laugh until the waitress comes back with their drinks. After they order, it gets quiet.

“So..” Before anyone can say anything else, they hear the door open. Three girls walk in, laughing about something no one else heard.

“Dr. Schuyler!” John yells at them. All three turn to look, confusion on two of their faces.

“John! How is your wrist?” The girl in the middle asks. The group walks over to their table and sits at the nearest one to them.

“It’s okay, thank you for your help.” John says while waving his wrist in the air.

“Of course! I’m sorry, I’m being rude. These are my sisters, Peggy and Angelica. Peggy and Angelica, this is John, and his friends Lafayette and Alexander. They’re the ones I was telling you about.” Alex scoffed.

“You spoke of us, isn’t that like, illegal?” he said dramatically. 

“You can call me Eliza, I’m not at work.” She said, ignoring him. John smiles.

“Okay! It’s nice to meet you!” Laf giggles at how energetic he suddenly became.

“So, Eliza, what exactly did you tell your sisters about us, if I may ask?” Laf is still giggling but they’re curious.

“She told us about your small talk, asking her favorite color. And you not giving a valid answer,” Peggy said.

“She also told us about you answering for John and then not talking at all,” Angelica said, laughing at Alex.

“Oh, Eliza, you’ll never guess what Alex did before we came here.” John was already laughing too hard, and Alex slapped him across the table.

“Don’t you dare!”

“Now I’m dying to know,” Peggy said while pouring a packet of sugar into her mouth.

“Me and Laf fell asleep on the couch for a few hours and he woke us up by knocking his bookshelf over on top of himself.” John has to pause to calm his laughing, “He was trying to reach a book on the top shelf so he decided climbing it was the best course of action.” Alex slaps him again, pouting.

“It isn’t funny. I was nearly crushed. I could barely breathe for half an hour.”

“Are your ribs alright?” Eliza put her hand against his side, pressing slightly. He flinches back, pushing her hand away.

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t tell you pull that crap too,” Angelica says.

“What are you talking about?”

“She told us about John waiting to get his wrist looked at. You looked smarter than that, letting broken bones go without being looked at is a terrible idea, especially bones so close to your important organs.”

“Listen, I’m fine. My ribs are not broken. I don’t like my intellect -or John’s- being insulted, either.” The girls put their hands up in surrender and he sighs.

“So, how do you know about this place, mes amis?” Laf asks, trying to lighten to mood.

“My friend owns it, I helped her come up with the name,” Eliza says.

“You know Theo?” Laf smiles, “She’s great! I wonder how we have not met before?” Eliza shrugs, looking back at her menu. When the waitress comes, she takes their orders and brings back the first groups food. “I still can’t believe you ordered potato soup, le petit.”

“Potato soup is the bomb, Laf. Don’t judge him.” Peggy said, stealing a fry from their plate.

“I cannot believe this.” Laf says, motioning at her.

“You ain’t gotta, but you do gotta accept that some people like potato soup.” John said, also stealing a fry.

“Why does everyone want my fries? They are not even French.”

“Everyone loves fries, French or not.” John said, offering them a bite of soup. Laf takes it and shrugs.

 

* * *

The meal ended after an hour and half, and the two groups deciding to hangout again soon. Phone numbers were traded and selfies were taken. The ride home was uneventful, aside from John shivering from the cold. When they got back to Alex’s apartment, John headed straight for the heater vent.

“Cher, it is not that cold.”

“Easy for you to say, you don’t weigh a hundred pounds.” Alex laughs and throws him a blanket. Laf stands behind him and wraps it around him.

“I could keep you warm, le petit.” John spins around so fast Laf doesn’t know what happened until they’re looking in his wide eyes. His cheeks are red, and Laf wants to catalogue every freckle on his face into his memory. This close, the green in his eyes is visible. Laf puts a hand on the back of his neck and leans down, kissing him again. It was just as soft and fast as the first time, innocent even. “You could come to my apartment for tonight, I can keep you warm. If that’s what you want, cher,” John swallows hard and nods once, slowly. Laf smiles and their hand brushes his cheek. “Then I will let Alex know, maybe he will sleep tonight, and not get himself killed with that bookshelf.” John is left standing in front of the vent, unsure of what actually just happened.  _ They kissed me. They kissed me and offered to keep me warm. Oh my god what do I do? _ Before he has time to freak out, Laf is back. The blanket around his body is removed and an arm is placed around his shoulders. He grabs his sweater off the couch and follows Laf to their car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Thank you everyone who gave me kudos! If you want to come yell at me or you have ideas/suggestions/questions/complaints, you can reach me at hamilton4pres.tumblr.com or you can yell at me in the comments. Thanks again! appreciate it!  
> @fallingandscreaming check ur skype dude.  
> @A_Ham_Ster thanks for being so interested, dude.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh I am so sorry I took so long! Life has been very busy for me, but you can expect extra updates in the coming days to make up for it! Please read the end notes for more information.

Lafayette only lives a few miles from Alex but the neighborhood has already become much nicer by the time they get half way. 

“Laf?” John looks over at them.

“Hm? What is it, le petit?” John looks down at his hands, lacing his fingers together.

“I...uh…” John could feel his face heating up, “I...I don’t…” Laf smiles and puts a hand on John’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, John. Calm down,” they glance over at him and smile, then turn back to the road. 

“Thank you…” John turns to look out the window and is surprised when he feels circle being rubbed into his shoulder.

“You do not need to thank me, cher.” Laf takes their hand off of his shoulder as they pull into a parking space in front of a huge, elegant building. As the two get out of the car, John freezes and stares at the building. “What’s wrong?”

“No...nothing...it’s just...really nice…” Laf lets out a giggle and takes his hand, leading him to their apartment.

“Your hands are freezing, le petit. Let us get inside where it is warm.” They enter through a large, glass door and head for an elegant elevator. Once they stood in front of the elevator laf became aware of John’s shaking. “Do you fear elevators?” John just nods. “We can take the stairs if you want, but I must warn you, it is a long way up.”

“No I can handle it.” John closes his eyes as they wait.  _ Uno, dos, tres, aspiro. Uno, dos, tres, espiro. Breathe like a normal human being. There isn’t even anything to be afraid of, you big fucking baby. _ The elevator arrives with a ding and the two step in, Laf hits the button for the 26th floor and John’s eyes go wide. After the doors shut, John backs into the corner and wills his anxiety away. 

“John,” he opens his eyes to see his friend sitting on the floor with their arms open, “sit with me.” John does what he’s told and sits, leaning against his friend’s chest. They sit that way until they reach the top floor and the doors open right into the apartment. John’s eyes widen again as he takes it all in. The room in front of him is colorful but classy, and he wonders what the rest of the rooms must look like.

“John? Are you okay?” He’s pulled from his thoughts by hand in front of his face.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I just can’t believe how pretty this place is.” Laf smiles.

“Did you think it would not be pretty? Have you seen me?” Laf giggles at their own comment and turns around.

“No, I mean, yes. I mean. I thought it would pretty, it’s just prettier than I imagined.”

“Come, follow me.” Laf motions for him to follow and he does. They walk down a hallway to what John assumes would be a guest room. Laf stops in front of a set of white double doors. “Welcome to La Maison de Lafayette.” They said as they push the doors open. The room was just as beautiful as the rest of the apartment but it was slightly less colorful. The walls were a soft yellow, and the bed was covered with a pale green comforter and a variety of colored pillows.

“This place is so beautiful. I can’t believe you live here.” John shakes his head in disbelief as he spins to take in the rest of the room. 

“Please, sit, make yourself comfortable.” Laf pats a spot on the bed before walking through a door. John sits, waiting for them to return.  _ How do they afford a place like this? I knew they were rich but this seems like more than just rich.  _ When they reappear they have a sweater and fuzzy pajama pants in their hands. “Here, put these on. They should help you warm up, ami. I’ll be in the kitchen.” John’s hand brushes theirs as he takes the clothes and he feels his face heating up. He stands again to take off the clothes he borrowed from Alex. He stops for a moment after taking off the shirt, and runs his fingers over the bruises on his torso. Quickly, he throws the sweater over his head and finds that it reaches his knees and the sleeves cover his hands. He pulls the pants on quickly and throws the dirty clothes in a pile by the door. After leaving the room, he realizes he has no idea where the kitchen is.

“Laf! Where are you? I don’t know where the kitchen is!” He wanders down hallways until he isn’t sure which ones he has already been down. 

“There you are!” Laf appears through a door to his left. “I was wondering where you went, ami.” John is pulled through the door and into a very clean kitchen. “Sit, sit, sit. I’m making soup.” John does as he is told and sits on a stool at the counter, looking over the array of vegetables on the cutting board in front of his friend.

“What kind of soup?” John leans over the counter on his elbow.

“Vegetable. Do you want to help?” Laf looks at him through long lashes while cutting a carrot. 

“Sure! What can I do?” Laf slides the cutting board toward him.

“Here, you can cut these for me.” John pushes the sleeves of the sweater up and takes the knife and the carrot that was already partially cut.

“Uh… I don’t…”

“Here, like this,” Laf moves to stand behind him and covers his hands with theirs, guiding the knife. John lets his hand be moved, focusing on the warmth his friend is giving him. “There you go, petit. You have it.” Laf lets go of his hands and walks toward the stove, making John whimper. He continues cutting the vegetables anyway. Once he’s finished he sets the knife down gingerly. When Laf notices they flash a bright smile.

“You did a great job! Magnifique, John!” Laf takes the cutting board from him and pushes the vegetables into the pot on the stove. John stands and walks over to them, looking down at the pot of liquid. Fiddling with the sleeves covering his hands, he shifts on his feet.

“Thank you for the sweater, Laf.” They put an arm around his shoulders, smiling.

“Anything for you, mon petit. Are you still cold?” John shrugs and leans his head against their arm. “You are adorable, do you know that?” John can feel his face heating up again, and he tries to hide it by burying his face in their arm.  _ They think I'm adorable. Oh my god. Breathe. Breathe. Be a normal human being. _ John tries to will the blush off of his face. Laf puts their hand on his cheek and pulls his face up. “Mon petit, you do not need to hide. Show me that gorgeous face.” John feels his face getting even hotter and looks toward the ground.  _ Gorgeous. Adorable. Cold.  _ John’s head started to spin, and his breathing became more labored.

“John? Hey, what’s wrong, cher?” Lafayette’s eyes were locked on his face, one hand still on his cheek. All at once, John’s eyes widen, and he pushes himself away from Laf. “John? John, calm down. It’s just me, le petit.”  _ No. No. They’re lying. They will hurt you too. You will hurt them. Get out of here. Run while you still can.  _ His eyes dart for the nearest door, and his legs follow. He runs as fast as he can with what little air is reaching his lungs. After running through door after door, he isn’t sure where he is.  _ Fantastic job, dumbass. You got yourself lost. How do you even do that?  _ He spins around, taking in the room. There’s chairs facing a wall and mirror on the wall behind them.  _ What the hell is this place? _

“John! John, where are you going?” Laf yells from behind him, but he is unsure how far behind they are.  _ Run.  _ John opens another door and finds a hallway.  _ Finally.  _ He bolts down the hall in the direction he thinks is the elevator. Just before he reaches the foyer, his foot catches on the rug and he somersaults. As he lands, his head hits the ground hard, and he shrieks in pain. A few seconds later, Laf appears over him.

“John! Mon dieu, are you okay?!” He registers Laf’s hands on his head and their voice in his ears, but he can’t make out their face. When his head is picked up, he lets out a whimper and he hears a sob as his vision is overtaken by darkness.

 

* * *

John wakes with a start. There are arms around his waist, and the room he is in is yellow.  _ Where am I? Wait, yellow.  _ John looks down at the blanket over him.  _ Green. I’m in Laf’s room? How did I get here? _ John attempts to turn his head back to see who the arms belonged too, but is stopped when a sharp pain radiates from behind his eyes.

“Jesus Christ!” John instinctively throws a hand up to hold his head. 

“sh sh, it is okay,” the person behind him says.  _ Laf. It's just Laf.  _ “You hit your head, le petit. Why did you run? Did I do something wrong? I did not mean to frighten you. I called Eliza, I hope that is not a problem.”

“No, it's alright.”

“Merde. I'm sorry if I overstepped by laying with you, I was just worried. I will leave if you wish,” Laf pulls their arms from around his waist, but John stops them with a hand on their wrist.

“No, stay. I like it. You're warm, Laf.” As if to prove the point, John visibly shivers, and Laf wraps their arms back arms around him and smiles.  _ That smile is going to be the death of me. _ John feels his face turning red and buries it in the soft pillow below him.

“You are always so cold, why is that?” Laf whispers behind him, and he feels their breath on his skin. 

“I don't know, I'm just always cold.”  _ That's a lie and you know it. It's a stupid lie too, why did you even say that?  _ “Okay, that's not true. I do know. I'm anemic. But it's stupid and I hate it.”

“Do you take iron? That would probably help, le petit.”

“I left all of my medication at the house. I wasn't worried about getting anything on my way out…” John feels tears welling up in his eyes at the thought. “...that's why I said I didn't know what to do about my stuff.” Just then, there was a knock and a soft voice from the other side of the door.

“John? Lafayette? Can I come in?” John nods his head before Laf answers.

“It is unlocked, Dr. Schuyler.” The door opens and a small figure slips into the room.

“You’re awake. Fantastic!” Eliza laughs, and John sends her a questioning look. “We have to stop meeting like this.”

“My apologies, I did not mean to bother you. I was just worried about John, he hit his head hard,” Laf scowls at the words, making Eliza laugh.

“‘Ave a ‘ard time with H’s?” she mocks. John joins her in laughing, earning him a slap. 

“Hey, don't hurt the injured. That's just rude.” John continues laughing while Laf feigns hurt. When the two stop laughing, Eliza moves to stand by John’s side. 

“Can you rate the pain 1-10?” John thinks for a moment before answering.

“Five.” 

“Don’t play tough to look cool, this is actually important. Do you want to change your answer?” 

“Seven,” he whispers, “I'm sorry.”

“There isn't anything to be sorry for,” she flashes a bright smile, and brushes the hair off his face. “I need you to tell me where it hurts the most.”

“Behind my eyes and…” he puts a hand against the back of his head, “...here.” 

“Can I take a look?” John takes a second before answering but reluctantly nods. He sits up and leans over so she can look at his head. He winces as she pulls away the hair that's covering it.

“I'm sorry, it'll be over soon.” The words make him cringe, reminding him of less pleasant memories, but he says nothing. After a few minutes of painful prodding, she pulls her hands from his scalp and lifts his head.

“There is no broken skin, and it doesn't seem like any bone was broken,” she grabs hold of his wrist, laughing, “but I do fear you could have a concussion. I'm going to shine a light in your eyes, will you try to follow it for me?” John nods once, and she pulls out what looks like a pen. She turns the light on and points it at his eyes, moving it side to side. She watches as his eyes follow her hand and smiles. “What's the capital of New York?”

“What?”

“What is the capital of New York?”

“Albany.”

“Good, what's the capital of South Carolina?”

“Columbia.”

“Good. What's the capital of Texas?”

“Austin?”

“Yes. Louisiana?”

“New Orleans? Or Baton Rouge? Didn't it change or something?” 

“New Orleans is the old capital, yes. Baton Rouge is the capital now. Okay how about Washington?”

“Olympia.”

“I think you're going to be fine. Great job knowing the capitals, by the way. True American.” Laf giggles, making John suddenly aware of them still being there.

“Impressive, mon petit ami.”

“Shut up,” John says before punching them in the arm.

“I am actually impressed, I do not know the capitals.”

“You didn't go to elementary school here. We had to learn them all.”

“If you two are done, I have some things to say.”

“I'm done, go ahead, Dr. Schuyler.”

“It’s Eliza. But I digress. You should keep icing your head periodically, it should keep the swelling down and help with the pain. Tylenol or ibuprofen should help with the headache. And I heard you say you're anemic, you need to start taking your medications again, I don't know what else you take, but you should never stop a medication without having a doctor tell you to.” John’s head drops at the words.  _ I don't want to go back there.  _

“Cher, I can take you back to get them if you would like. You won't even have a go in, just tell me where they are and I can get them for you.” John stares at them for a moment, calculating the risk of going back.

“Okay. Thank you, Eliza. Thank you, Laf.”

“Of course, le petit, anything for you.”

“I'll leave you to it, you have my number if you need me. Don't hurt yourself again, John.” She laughs and exits the room, leaving the two by themselves.

“about that soup…” Laf lets out a loud chuckle.

“Of course, let us go eat.” They help him out of bed and lead him back to the kitchen.

“How long was I asleep?”

“About an hour.” Laf pulls two bowls out of a cabinet and pours soup into them. “Perfect timing, ami. It is just about ready.”

“Thank you....for all of this.” John plants a kiss to their cheek and takes the bowl offered to him. 

“Any time, mon cher.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. I planned on picking this back up a long time ago, but a lot of unexpected things came up. I had to fly back home to France for my cousins' funerals following the Nice attacks, I had school things come up, I had comic con this past weekend (which was awesome), my 4th of July was mostly good. How was yours? How has your summer been? Are you ready for school to start again? (I know I am!) Are you nervous to start college? Do you have a new exciting project you want to talk to someone about? Look no further! comment or come bother me (not really, i love talking to you guys) at hamilton4pres.tumblr.com! you can send me prompts over there and I'll fill them! Have suggestions or ideas for this story? Tell me all about it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Next up on 'Daddy Issues'- Alex is still stuck on Isolation Island, due to his inappropriate reactions to John's trauma. Lafayette, on the other hand, is reacting rather well, and is helping John overcome it. And Henry Laurens is still a dick, you didn't miss much on that front." -@A_Ham_Ster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH thank you so much for reading! I appreciate it so so so so much!

After the two ate, Laf led John back to the room with the mirror and chairs.

“I wanted to ask what this room was earlier, but I was a little busy running away.” Laf laughs and shakes their head.

“It is a media room. There is a projector behind that mirror,” they gesture to the mirror behind the chairs. “And a screen will come down when I turn it on.”

“Ooooh. That makes sense. Okay, I no longer think this room is creepy.” They both laugh at the comment before sitting down.

“What would you like to watch, mon petit?” John thinks for a second.

“Can we watch a Disney movie?”

“Of course! I have most of them, which would you prefer?”

“Pocahontas?”

“Anything for you.” Laf stands and leaves the room through a door next to the mirror. Just as they said, a screen descends from the ceiling. A few moments later, the familiar opening notes started with the blue castle flashing onto the screen. When Laf comes back, John has pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “Are you okay, le petit?”

“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just still cold.”  Laf shakes their head.

“You will never be warm, will you, cher?” John laughs.

“I guess not.”

“Hold on, I will be right back.” Laf leaves the room again, and John returns to the movie. When Laf returns, John is humming along to the movie and doesn’t notice them slipping into the room. John jumps when they hand him a mug, but takes it.

“What is all of this?” John gestures at the things they brought with them.

“You said you were cold. This is hot chocolate,” they gesture at the mug in his hands, “and these are the makings of a blanket fort.” John laughs loudly, nearly spilling the mug’s contents.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know.”

“I know, but I wanted to, little John. I want to take care of you. Unless you want me to stop, then I will.”  _ They want to take care of me? Why would anyone want to take care of me? I’m a total mess.  _ John feels tears welling up in his eyes and wills them not to fall.  _ You don’t deserve to be taken care of. Don’t fool yourself, you know they don’t care about you.  _ He shakes the voice out of his head.  _ That isn’t true. They care about me. They want me to be here. _

“No...no, it’s fine. It’s more than fine. It’s...amazing. I’ve never been taken care of like this, that’s all. Not since mom died, at least. I’m just...not used to it? I...thank you. I really appreciate you doing this. I appreciate you.” Laf rubs a hand over John’s shoulder and gives him a sad smile.

“I am so sorry about everything you have gone through, mon petit. You deserve the world, while all you have been given is pain.” They pet his hair for a moment, a sign of affection that John has not felt in many years. “Shall we build the fort, or would you rather just lay on the ground under a bunch of blankets with me? I brought pillows and the warmest blankets I could find.”

“Cuddling sounds good.” He takes a drink of the hot chocolate before getting out of his chair. “Thank you for the hot chocolate, it’s really good.”

“Of course, cher. Now come, let us cuddle,” they laugh as they unfold blankets, setting up a makeshift bed. When the blankets are all set, the two crawl under them and get comfortable. Laf lays with one arm under their head, the other around John’s shoulders. John lays with his head against Laf’s chest, body curled into their side. They stay that way throughout the movie, John occasionally singing along, until they fall asleep.

 

* * *

John wakes up to quiet humming and a soft heartbeat below his head. After taking in his surroundings. He realizes Laf is humming along with the song playing with the start menu of the movie. He shifts his head slowly to look up at Laf, who is tracing random shapes in his shoulder.

“You are awake. How did you sleep, mon petit?” they smile down at him, and he smiles back.

“For once, really well, actually. Thank you for staying with me and letting me sleep on you.” John voice is rough with sleep but Laf seems to take no notice.

“I am glad you slept well, it was an honor to have you sleep on me.” they both let out a small giggle before John sits up, patting at his hair. “Your hair is fine, it’s a cute look on you, really.” John scowls down at them for a moment before laughing. He stands to look in the mirror behind them, fixing his curls.

“That’s a cute look too,” John says, gesturing at the hair that has fallen from Laf’s ponytail. The two laugh before Laf stands.

“How about breakfast, and then we go get your stuff?” John hesitates, then turns around, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Do we have to go?”

“You need your medications, John. Yes, we have to go. I promise you will be okay. I will never leave your side.” John pulls at the sleeves covering his hands, looking down at the ground.

“Okay…”

“Good, what would you like to eat for breakfast?” John continues looking at the floor, lip still between his teeth. Laf moves to stand in front of him, and pushes his chin up gently with one finger. “Hey, it is okay, le petit. Je promets. Does pancakes sound good? Waffles? What would you like?”

“Can we make biscuits and gravy?”

“Whatever you like, come on.” John follows them into the kitchen, and watches as they gather ingredients.

“What can I do? I used to make this with my mom, you won’t have to teach me.”

“You did not complain when I showed you yesterday,” John could feel his face heating up, “But you can help me with these biscuits.” John nods and follows them to the counter.

“Where are your measuring spoons?” Laf points at a drawer, and John pulls out the spoons. While John measures out ingredients for the biscuits, Laf preheats the oven and starts cooking the sausage for the gravy. By the time the sausage is cooked, John is rolling out the dough,

“Do you have a-” Laf holds out a metal ring to him, “thank you.”

“You are very welcome. Here,” they pull a cookie sheet out and set it on the counter next to him.

“You can read minds now?” they laugh and shake their head.

“It is simply obvious you needed them.”

“I’m that predictable, huh?”

“No, simply at that stage of baking. Now, if you do not mind, I am going to steal that flour.”

“Go ahead. Here,” John hands the milk to them and picks up the flour, setting it on the counter next to the stove. Laf offers him a smile then flicks flour on his face, chuckling. “I am personally offended, I can not believe you just did that.” John scoffs, dusting the powder off his skin.

“Come on. John. Have a little fun.” He scoffs again, turning back to his biscuits.

“I will not sink to that level, Now, I have biscuits to cut out.”

“You are no fun.” Laf turns back to the stove, adding flour to soak up the grease from the sausage. John punches out biscuits, putting them on the cookie sheet as he goes. When he is done, he shoves them in the oven and sets a timer for ten minutes.

“Thank you for doing all of this.”

“All of what? You made the biscuits. I did the easy part.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do not think I do, le petit.”

“Come on, Laf.”

“What? I do not know.”

“For all of this. Letting me stay here, the clothes, the food. Thank you for putting up with me.”

“I am not “putting up” with you, le petit. I care about you. I want you to feel safe and comfortable.”

“Still, thank you.” Laf puts a hand on his cheek and smiles.

“There is no need to thank me, it is my pleasure to take care of you. I like knowing you are safe.”  _ They like knowing I’m safe. They care about me. Oh my god what do I do? _

“I...I really like it here...with you, I mean. I like spending time with you…” John forced his gaze down to the floor.

“I like spending time with you too.” John’s eyes shoot back up to look at the person in front of him.

“Really?”

“Really, mon cher.” John could feel his smile growing. “There is that beautiful smile.” The timer goes off, pulling the two out of their moment.

“I should check on the biscuits,” John pulls away before opening the oven door. “They’re done.”

“Excellent, then shall we eat?” John pulls the tray out and nods. Laf pulls two plates from a cabinet and two forks from a drawer. “They smell amazing, John.”

“Th-thank you..” He feels his face heat up again and curses himself for getting embarrassed so easily. The two make their plates and sit at the table in the next room. They eat in comfortable silence, broken only by the sounds of forks on plates and chewing. When they are both full, John picks up their plates and takes them to the sink, rinsing them off.

“Are you ready to go? I do not want to rush you, I just know you will never go without being pushed.” John turns off the water and hangs his head.

“I will never be ready. I guess I have to go though. So I guess.” Laf puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. 

“I am so sorry we have to do this, John. I promise I will not leave your side.” John turns around and hugs them tightly, and Laf hugs him back. Any embarrassment he might normally feel isn’t there as he lets himself be comforted. They stay that way, hugging each other tightly, for a long time before John pulls himself away.

“I’ll put my shoes on.” Laf nods and leads him back to their room, and he pushes the shoes on. Laf grabs their keys and John follows them as they head for the elevator. Once inside, Laf speaks again.

“Sit with me,” they say as they sit in the center of the floor. John sits next to them, leaning against their shoulder. Laf strokes his hair as they descend, comforting him so his anxiety eases. When they reach the lobby, they stand and exit the building. Inside of Laf’s car, John feels himself breaking down.  _ What if he’s there? What if he hurts Laf? I won’t let that happen. I won’t let him hurt anyone else. I can’t. _

“Hey, it is going to be okay. Everything will be alright.” Laf starts the car and backs out of the parking spot, then pulls out of the parking lot. After they get out onto the roads, Laf takes John’s hand over the console. “Tell me where I am going.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so I know its late af. But I will be updating again shortly, so look out for that! have suggestions or idea for the story? want someone to rant at about hamilton? have a new project you want to scream about? want someone to talk writing with? Come talk to me over at Hamilton4pres.tumblr.com or comment here! I love you all so much! Now I have to go sleep, so bonne nuit, mes amis. Je t'aime.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grab a box of tissues and buckle your seatbelts, this is going to be a bumpy ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHH! thank you everyone who reads this, but a special thank you to @a_ham_ster for being the best writing buddy. Your feedback means the world to me. (So does everyone else's, just to be clear).

When the two reach the house, John is shaking.

“Hey, John. Look at me.” Laf squeezes his hand and he looks over at them. “It is going to be okay. We just need to get your medications, and anything you want to take with you. Listen to me. You need to breathe.” John stares at them blindly. “Breathe with me, le petit.” He gives a small nod and focuses his eyes on them. John syncs his breathing with Laf’s with a little work, and he feels himself calm down slightly.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, cher. Now come, let us go.” The two get out of the car and slowly approach the front door. John tries the knob, to find it locked.

“Fuck, where is the spare?” He picks up various objects on the porch, trying to remember where they had kept it.

“Le petit.” John ignores them as he continues looking for the key. “Le petit.” Still ignoring them, he picks up a potted plant. “John, I swear to God, if you do not stop and listen to me.”

“What?” Laf holds up a plain silver key. “Where did you- How did you find it?”

“T’was on top of the door frame. I simply looked up.”

“That’s not fair. You’re like a foot taller than me.”

“8 inches, actually. But I digress. Are you ready?” John shakes his head. “Are you ever going to be more ready?” he shakes his head again. Laf puts the key in the lock and turns it. “After you, mon cher.” John enters the house slowly, Laf following close behind. He leads them into the kitchen carefully, ready for anything that may jump out at him.

“John, what do you think you are doing?” Laf gestures at his stance.

“I’m just preparing myself for if he’s here.”

“What are you gonna do? Hit him with your cast?” Laf giggles at the implication.

“If that’s what it takes.” John’s lips curve up slightly.

“Come on, le petit. I highly doubt he is here.” Laf walks ahead of him into the kitchen. “You acted like you had never been in a nice house at my apartment, that is obviously not the case. For one, this is an actual house. In New York City. Why did you seem so out of place?”

“I...I never associated this house with being nice. Not with everything that happened in it. I just...I’ve never been in a place like yours. A place that was inviting? I guess that’s how to put it.” John shifted his gaze to the floor when he saw the sadness in Laf’s eyes.

“I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of this for so long. It makes my heart break to think of the things you have been put through. I hope you know that you are loved, Alex and I love you so much. The Schuylers’ love you too. You are so perfect, exactly as you are.” _Perfect. Loved. Lies._

“Don’t lie to me, Laf. It’s unbecoming.” Laf frowns at him, but he doesn’t see it. Instead, he walks away, heading for the bathroom.

“John.” Laf pauses, waiting for a reaction. When they get none, they continue. “Cher, I am not lying to you. We do love you. We love you so much, and it hurts that you do not believe that. You are so amazing.” Laf chases him, grabbing his wrist and turning him around. “Look at me. You, mon petit, are amazing.” John pulls his arm out of their grip roughly.

“I know what I am, and that isn’t it. I don’t need to be lied to, it doesn’t make me feel better.” He turns back around and runs into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

“John! John, please!” Laf bangs on the door. “John, please do not do this!” John curls up in the middle of the floor, holding back sobs.

“Why do you even care? It’s not like I’m any good to any of you! I can’t do anything without having a panic attack. I can’t even watch a fucking cartoon without crying. Just leave me here, it’s what I deserve!” He feels hot tears flowing down his cheeks and swats at his eyes. _Stop crying. You’re not a child. Why are you such a fucking baby?_

“Cher...You can not possibly think that is true. I would never leave you anywhere, especially here. Please, just let me in. Le petit, I just want to help you.” Laf continues knocking until they hear a loud sob from the other side of the door. “John, if you do not unlock this door, I will break it down.” When they get no response, they kick the door, right next to the knob. With the force of the kick, the door swings open, revealing John’s small form. They lower their voice as they approach him, “John, shh, hey. It is okay, calm down.” When they put a hand on his shoulder, he flinches away, curling in on himself more.

“No! No, please don’t hurt me! Please! I’ll be good!” His voice cracks as he says the words, breaking Laf’s heart. They feel their eyes tearing up at seeing him this way. _Get away! You know they will hurt you. Get away quickly._

“Shh, I will not hurt you. I just want to help you calm down.” _They are lying and you know it! Don’t let them lie to you._ John’s eyes widen and he scoots away backwards until his back hits the cabinets. _Great job, you cornered yourself._ Laf reaches out a hand to touch him but stops right before making contact when they see him flinch. They let out a sigh when he clenches his eyes shut tightly.

“Please don’t hit me...I’ll be good. I’ll do what you say, just please don’t hit me.” He says it quickly, almost so fast that Laf doesn’t quite catch it all. When he opens his eyes again, though still cowering, they speak.

“Okay, okay. I will not touch you.” They put their hands up in surrender and sit on the floor, a few feet in front of him. John watches them intently, without blinking. “You need to calm down though, petit.” They watch his frantic shaking, his eyes hyper-aware, and they sigh. “Tell me five things you can see.” _What? What does that mean? It’s a trick. It has to be. Don’t say anything that will make you vulnerable. Speak carefully._

“I can see...you, the tile…” Laf nods at him, encouraging him to keep going. “...the towel on the rack…” _The door. The shower. Nothing that could make you vulnerable._ “...the texture on the wall...the lightswitch...that’s five.” Laf gives him a sad smile.

“Good. Now, four things you can feel.” _Be careful, John. Don’t say anything smart. They will hurt you._ John feels his breathing start to speed up again, and Laf notices. “Hey, calm down. Four things you can feel.” John nods once, slowly.

“The floor is cold...the cabinet handle is against my shoulder…” He looks down at the tile under him. “The yarn in this sweater is soft...do emotions count?” Laf nods at him. “Fear.” John doesn’t elaborate, and Laf doesn’t ask him to. Instead, they move on.

“Three things you can hear?” John stays quiet for a moment, listening to the noises in the house.

“I can hear...my heartbeat...your breathing…” He stops again to listen, “What is that humming?”

“Hm? Humming?” Laf’s brow furrows as they ask.

“Listen.” they follow the order and listen for the humming. After a moment, they laugh. “Why are you laughing?”

“That is the sound of silence, mon ami.” This time, John’s brow furrows in an unspoken question. “Silence is the loudest noise on Earth.” John considers it for a moment, before nodding. “Two things you can smell.”

“That shampoo,” John points at bottle on the counter above him, without looking at it and Laf looks at them in surprise.

“Impressive.” John shrugs.

“And...the bottle of perfume in the cabinet behind me.” John moves to open the cabinet, showing Laf the bottle.

“How did you-” He cuts them off.

“It was my mom’s. I know that smell really well.” They nod in understanding.

“Well, the last one is something you can taste, but you may not be able to taste anything since you are not eating.”

“Blood.” Laf’s eyes widen.

“Why? What happened? Are you okay?”

“I bit my tongue.”

“That only answered two of my questions, le petit.”

“I’m fine.” _Fine. Since when? What happened?_ Laf smiles and stands, holding out a hand. John hesitates briefly, but takes it. They help him stand before pulling him into a tight hug. Resting his head against Laf’s chest, John lets out a shaky breath. “Thank you.” Laf rubs his back, settling their chin on the top of his head gently. They share a few moments of silence before Laf speaks.

“You know you do not need to thank me, right?” John just pushes his face further into their chest, enjoying the affection. Laf giggles, tilting their head so their cheek laid on the top of his head. They stand in silence for a few more moments before Laf pulls away. “Come on, we can hug later. We need to get your things.” John nods, leading the way upstairs. At the top of the stairs, Laf pauses, taking in all of the doors and hallways.

“It’s this way,” John says without turning to look at them. He heads down the left side of the hall, and Laf follows.

“I understand you do not associate this house with being nice, but it is most definitely the nicest house I have ever set foot in. In America, at least.” They continue when they get no response. “Without knowing anything that happened here, you must admit, it is a nice house.” John stops suddenly and turns around.

“It might be a nice house but I will never think of it that way.” With that, he turns back around and walks the few feet to his bedroom door. As he opens it, he says, “Bienvenidos a La Casa de Laurens,” and laughs. When Laf sends them a questioning look, he translates. “I said welcome to the house of Laurens. I would have said it in French but I couldn’t remember how you said it. So, Spanish it is.” Both of them laugh this time and Laf takes in the room. The walls are a vibrant green with posters hung randomly, some of them not even straight. There was a cork board above a desk, filled with photos and art. His bed was a mess, blankets and sheets twisted and falling off, but the rest of the room was clean, save for a few stray sketches.

“This room is very you.” John turns to face them, eyebrows furrowed.

“What does that even mean?” John pulls a large duffel bag out of his closet, grabbing clothes from hangers and drawers.

“If you were a room, you would be this room. It reflects your personality really well.” John stops to laugh, and Laf joins him. “Okay, but I am serious. It is a very good representation of you.”

“I’ll take your word for it. In the meantime, will you hand me the things in that drawer?” He points at the table next to his bed, and Laf opens it. What is in the drawer surprises them. Inside, there are several spiral notebooks and a leather bound journal, along with a green and blue crocheted pencil pouch.

“You write?” Laf asks, while handing him the drawer’s contents.

“Uh.. yeah. It’s nothing like Alex’s writing, though. It’s mostly poetry or fiction.” He shrugs as he places the notebooks in his bag.

“That is amazing, John! I cannot believe I did not know that you write.” John shrugs again.

“I don’t really talk about it. I’m not that good. I just write to escape reality sometimes.”

“I am sure you are very good, le petit. Do not dismiss yourself like that. If you are half as good a writer as you are an artist, then you are simply incredible.” John just turns around, returning to his packing. _Don’t listen to them. You know they are lying. Don’t fall for it._ He pulls sketchbooks and pencil kits out of the drawers of his desk, placing them in his bag. “You are so incredibly talented, cher. I cannot believe you do not see that.”

“You have never even heard anything I wrote, there is no possible way for you to know if I’m good.” He kicks the wall in his closet when the hangers catch one too many times.

“John, come on, I know you are frustrated. I know you do not want to be here. We will leave soon, just calm down. You do not need to get so angry.” Laf looks at him with sad eyes, and John punches the wall with his good hand, harder than he kicked it. “John!”

“You don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like. You are never going to know what this is like! Don’t act like you know how I feel!” Laf moves toward him as he speaks, eventually pulling him close to them. He fights them, trying to get loose. “No! Let me go! You have no right!” They hold him tight, not giving in. “What are you doing? This isn’t fair! You can’t do this!”

“Stop fighting, le petit. I am not going to hurt you. You just need to calm down.” He thrashes in their arms, kicking out at them.

“Let me go! Let me go! You can’t do this! Why are you doing this? I thought you were my friend!” The statement hits Laf like a ton of bricks, and they let go. John falls to his knees, hunched over and heaving. He coughs a few times before catching his breath. When he picks himself up, he sees Laf, pale and unfocused. Their hands are hanging lifelessly and their shoulders are slumped, a sight John has never seen -nor expected to see- before. “Oh god! I’m sorry. I-I d-didn’t mean it to c-come out t-that way. I’m s-so so-sorry.” He feels a tear roll down his cheek and scrambles to wipe it away. He tries to regain his composure before speaking again. “I didn’t mean it like that.” When Laf doesn’t respond, John turns around and leaves the room. _I fucked up. I fucked up. I said something stupid and now they hate me. Don’t kid yourself, they never liked you to begin with._ Once he’s out of earshot, he pulls out his phone. He calls the only person he knows to help. He calls Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I would like to point out that the 5 senses game thing they did is called mindful thinking and it actually does help with anxiety! So, How is everyone doing?! I started marching band practice on Monday! Our show is the civil war! What's been going on with you guys? Have any new exciting projects? Want to talk writing? Want to yell about hamilton? Want to scream from the rooftops? want a buddy to just talk with? look no further! Come talk to me on tumblr at [hamilton4pres](hamilton4pres.tumblr.com) or comment here! Your faithful and obedient servant, C. Riehl


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